Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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