the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
should my penis look like a turkey
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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