what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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