dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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