forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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