There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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