the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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