I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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