Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
