none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
did i just pee glitter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
