Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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