new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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