he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
