We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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