My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
