Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
