??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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