Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
