Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
