Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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