I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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