i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
