Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
