dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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