i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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