someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize