Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
