In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
