Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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