I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
