what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
