Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
