Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
