Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
