Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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