What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
