i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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