...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
