oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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