Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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