I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
