Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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