I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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