I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
