pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
