Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
