i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
