I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
