Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize