I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
