I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
