He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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