After last night, I could never be a politician.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
