he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
