Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
