Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the day after is always just damage control
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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