I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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