She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
