I didn't shave. On purpose
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
