Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
