In the future we'll all be gay
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
