then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
