Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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