the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
