Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
