My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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