I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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