Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
