some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
