he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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