swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
