If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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