I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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