If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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