How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
