guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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